April Fool's - - 2nd in a 3 part Series

He wants to be President

THIS MUCH......

With the aftermath of the Pennsylvania primary now a fading memory, it appears that the Chaos that has become the Democratic party will persist for awhile longer. Hillary won, and she won big. She secured more delegate, still not enough though. For media darling Barack it meant having to delay selecting curtain patterns for the Oval Office for a few more months while he and his team of "suddenly shaky" inner circle mastermind a way to make Mrs. Clinton disappear. Some of my friends snicker to themselves that this is a trick her husband would pay top dollar for. But I digress.

I have dedicated this posting towards trying to help my party's candidate shed some of the "April foolishness" that he and his handlers have been dabbling in for far too long. I offer this advice for the good of that Grand Ole Party. John McCain may not be the guy I wanted, but he is the guy I have. An old saying goes that you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. John McCain appears to now be my "family".

Tip #1 for Senator McCain: Enough with the tree hugging already. Yes, we know you like the "others" (the Democrats). We get it already. But, don't ever forget that Johnny, that you only get the big prize, IF, the Conservative base decides to give it to you. You see, Sen. McCain, the only way to win a presidential election is to either completely sweep your own party, OR, win most of your own party and some of theirs. Reagan was the master of this! The nostalgic term "Reagan Democrats" was a true reality. Not only did most of the Republicans adore the man, but enough Democrats broke bread with him enough to help hand him 2 landslide victories. Those were the days Johnny. And if you really want to be the next POTUS, stop preaching the "chicken little says the sky is falling" and start talking about the things Conservative Republicans want and need to hear. Tell people you want to limit government - our current President said that and people fell for it. Tell people that this War on Terrorism is not like a game of "Deal or No Deal" that will end in a convenient one hour time slot. Remind people that in today's world you're either part of the problem or part of the solution, and sitting around "HOPING" that our nation's enemies will suddenly be nice to us is being part of the problem.

Tip #2 for Senator McCain: BREATHE, and try not to look so constipated when you're annoyed.

We've all seen it. Ask Maria Shriver. You almost tore her a new one back in 2000 when she tried to interview you backstage when it was clear that your Presidential bid was fading into the sunset. Sure its a tough campaign, but that's ALL it is. If you come off looking like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" each time a nitwit reporter asks you a dumb question, people will begin to worry that you just may crack under the pressure of being the head cheese.

Tip #3 for Senator McCain: Keep looking presidential. This is the 2nd most important thing you can do after you embrace the Conservatives. Like I stressed in Tip #1, you don't win without us. Do you REALLY think you'll get elected by counting on disenfranchised Dems to put you in office?? I hope not. Rush may not be right about everyting, but he is on this point. If you win, it will only be because enough of the Conservatives opted to play nice. If you lose, it will ultimately prove that you were not the right choice, and the party will re-tool and put the right guy forward in 2012. So, while Barack and Hillary continue to remind everyone of Punch and Judy, just keep visting foreign countries, and making speeches about the things that matter. Keep building your war chest for the big push in August. Who knows? By the time the Barack v. Hillary is decided, you may be reviewing your draft for the Inauguration - --- - - IF you follow this friendly advice.

April Fools - First in a 3 part series

With the anniversary of my 43rd year of life just a day away, it seemed as good a time as any to become a tad nostalgic. In my best effort to channel the spirit of Andy Rooney ( is he still around?) I decided to wake from my blog slumber, and take some time to analyze the 3 candidates working ever so annoyingly to secure our valuable votes. (There are still 3 viable candidates right? I did not miss the Pennsylvania Primary did I??)

After reading, watching valuable "fair and balanced" news reports, and making a concerned effort to "bRush" up on things, I saw the 3 eager senators and I could not help but be overcome with mild interest.

But, its still early. Its mid-April. All three Presidential candidates seem to be caught up in a battle to see who can avoid stumbling and gaffing their way right out of contention. And its a very close race. Sadly.

The Republicans "last man standing" is the military ambassador, John McCain. He fought for our country by proudly serving in the military. He's a hero, just ask him and he will tell you.

But, I will be issuing my tips for improvement to him in an upcoming blog installment.

Then, there is the beloved Barack Obama. The poster child for dreaming. His theme song could be that opening scene from "My Best Friend's Wedding" - - Wishing and Hoping. Good for him. Having been in the Washington world long enough for a cup of coffee, his smile still carries that starry eyed magic of a kid on Christmas morning - - right before he finds out he didn't get the new bicycle. But, my advice for good ole Barack will come later as well. He'll be around.

No friends, today is a quick and brief bit of advice for Bill's wife - Hillary. Poor Hillary. This was supposed to be her moment in the spotlight. The problem is the spotlight, turned into headlights. Yikes! A year ago, the move on. org loonies were all set to Move In to the White House and bring Hillary, Bill, and maybe even Chelsea back on Glory Road. A funny thing happened on the way to the inauguration however, the moveon crown did move on alright, straight to the newest party darling - Obama.

I know its probably too late for Hillary, but if she sees this, or if her qualified staff happens to read this (she does still have a staff right? Is Carville still around? What about Stephanapolis?)

they can tell her this: Stick to what you know and PLEASE quit telling stories!! Sure everyone loves a good anecdote, or a gripping tale about bravery or inspiration. BUT, if you're going to tell a story, for crying out loud, tell the right story.

Remember a few weeks ago, she talked about making some visit and being in harms way with some military skirkmish going on? Later the media reported (Jon Stewart or Steven Colbert I believe) that she was really nowhere near any guns being fired or missiles launching or anything remotely threatening.

Still another time she made the blunder of stating her passion and ability to fix our country's healthcare situation. The passion is one thing, but ability?? Didn't her husband Bill make the horrible mistake of trying to convince the American people during his first term as President that she could spearhead the healthcare reform initiative?? And didn't that last all of one month before they pulled her off the case. Seriously, it blew up in her face. I think Michael Richards has had sitcoms that have lasted longer than her reign as Healthcare Guru.

SO, Hillary, with your days numbered, and the delegate count dwindling in the time it took me to write this posting, please heed my suggestions. No one can question your desire. Even your staunchest critics can't argue with your quest to lead this country. You do know how the game is played in Washington DC. Your Democrat counterpart is still reading the rules. You've got to take the fight to Mr. Obama and do it fast. You've been around a long time. You've probably forgotten more decision makers in DC than the youngling Barack has even met. Plus, if you do somehow attain the Democratic nomination at the Convention, you can go to the White House and utilize all of those connections that you and hubby William Jefferson have acquired all these years. And, they will be willing to work with you. After all, the other Democrat running has been selling the American people on how much he distances himself from "old Washington" - - and don't think they'll forget that.

But Mrs. Clinton, please, quit telling those stories.