Say Goodnight, Mitt

Mitt, it was nice knowing you. Last week, you were wondering like most other Republicans how in the world that codger McCain ever became the front-runner for the GOP Nomination. After all, you won the Michigan primary. You had the most money in the bank, the best head of hair, the Olympic resume, and the outside-Washington message that people are eating up right now. How is this doddering old fool from Arizona getting the best of me, you must have wondered. He's not even a conservative, for gosh sake.

Well, Super Tuesday was going to change that. With some help from a long and blusteringly vocal line of conservative talk-show hosts, you were going to show McCain how you True Believers play hardball. You were going to start with a win in Massachusetts, and ride this wave of right-wing animosity all the way to Utah. And when you were done, you'd be back on top, right where God wants you.

Well, some Super Tuesdays don't turn out like we plan. Sometimes Super Tuesday turns into Bummer Tuesday. Sure, you won Massachusetts and Utah, and you picked up Minnesota, Montana and Colorado. But it turns out that those states were pretty much it. Somehow, McCain won the three biggest states in the race: New York, Illinois, and California. He also won seven other states, in addition to the Big Three.

And then there is Huckabee. That guy just doesn't seem to know his place. He doesn't understand that you can't run without millions in the bank. He doesn't know that you can't run a campaign based on appealing to evangelicals. Although he may be pretty conservative too, he doesn't know when to step aside and let you have all of the anti-McCain votes. And now, it turns out that he's beaten you in West Virginia, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, and Missouri. How are you supposed to win the South when the Southerner stays in the race?

And now, people are suggesting that maybe it is time for you to hang 'em up. To use your deep pockets to buy another company instead of throwing it all away on a silly pipe dream of becoming Rush Limbaugh's Great White Hope. And they may be right. It may very well be a McCain-Huckabee ticket, and there may be nothing that you can do or buy that will change that. But facing reality is not your strong suit. After all, you're a conservative.